Friday, February 29, 2008
I am convinced that it was not Todd that sat across from me and smiled in an almost mocking way. For our battle is not against flesh and blood - we know that it is the powers of darkness. When this truly hit me tonight I realized I can't abandon Todd to the enemy! Even in my saddness and discouragement I must continue to pray by the grace of God! It is my calling right now - my duty even - to pray for Todd to be released from darkness! This realization along with your comments and encouragement causes me to renew my determination to pray for Todd's salvation and others like him, (Dad Golden!!).
Well my friends, it was a long week - lots of ups and downs - between hunting for a condominum, making and offer and loosing out; Todd's rejection of God, and feeling tense in the workplace (that post is for another time) -- I'm very tired - time for bed.
God bless each of you. I will remember you all in my prayers tonight - for those who are ill and those who have family members who are ill - for all the other needs and desires each of us have - I place them now at the most Holy feet of Jesus - Our Lord, Master, Brother, Friend and Saviour! Thank you Father God for being so patient with your children (especially me :)
Julie (Little Tired Missionary)
Reading her words today I thought of Julie the Little Missionary's heartcry (Prayer Seems Pointless) that she posted so eloquently, honestly and tearfully on this site.
Any of the Pilgrim Pals who have a pulse will feel Julie's pain. God cannot always be understood. His ways are beyond ours. Struggle as we do to understand, we still only see dimly.
Joni writes, "What heart-cries still remain unsatisfied for you? What questions still remain unanswered? What yearnings remain unfulfilled? Remember that this life is only a dim reflection of the true reality yet to be revealed. Bring your heart-cries and questions and yearnings to the feet of Jesus. Let His Word shed light and meaning on your heartbreak...and leave the rest to faith."
Joni closes her devotional with this prayer. "Lord Jesus, help me to gaze upon You this day, for You hold the answers...You fulfil each longing...You are my satisfaction. Help me to see you clearly!"
And so, Julie, we don't understand why God often leaves us in the dark for a season...or two. We question His workings or His seeming lack of attention to our heart-cries. As Charles Haddon Spurgeon wrote, "When you can't trace His hand, trust His heart."
One thing I've come to realize and I hold tenaciously to this fact..."As for God, His way is perfect." (Psalm 18:30) IT REALLY IS!
~ David, the Pilgrim
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Todd and I went for tea at lunch today. When I asked him about joining me for Good Friday service you'd have thought I told him I just murdered someone! He looked like he was going to vomit! I am not kidding. He said NO. He looked really weird - his eyes looked totally suspicious and for the first time he looked like he disliked me very much. I said, "Todd, please, it's literally two hours out of your life - please join me." He just laughed - not at me but just about the whole idea - as if it were the craziest thing ever asked of him. I would have had more "success" if I had asked him to bungee jump off a cliff into freezing cold water! It really shook me up inside but I remained calm on the surface. What I saw in his eyes was utter, complete REJECTION of God and anything associated with God (eg any church, book, bible... you name it - if it "smells" of God, Todd rejects it). He doesn't need God or want Him....he doesn't believe - he is totally closed to the idea - end of story. As far as he is concerned if others want to believe in God and go to church good for them. There was more but frankly I don't need to share it all here. I saw something today I don't think I've ever saw before - spiritual blindness and hardness of heart to a degree that even God can't penetrate it. Does that statement shock you? It shouldn't. God can not violate a person's free will and Todd has made a very, very firm choice. How sad and unfair....here is a person who doesn't understand he has chosen Hell - he has rejected Life. I cried when I got home tonight - then I went back out into the sub-zero temperatures and skated for 1.5 hrs....like a mad woman....I had to get my frustration out. I'm very sad about this - very disappointed that all the prayers people have prayed counted for nothing as far as I'm concerned.
What is the point in praying for people like him? They are so hard hearted. I am done praying for Todd - there is no point. He is God's problem - not mine. I did my part and asked Todd to church - I am done now. Prayer has done nothing but set me up for a great disappointment.
Note from the Pilgrim Pals facilitator, David Fisher: The purpose of the PILGRIM PALS site is to provide a forum where our members (pilgrims) can pray for each other and be vulnerable, open and honest with one another. This is meant to be a safe place! Our special pal, Julie or Little Missionary as she is affectionately known, has bared her soul again. Thanks, Julie! I encourage other pilgrims to do the same. We will love you unconditionally, withhold judgment and offer encouragement and hope regardless of what you write. ~ David
The home inspection took place today so I went to check it out. It met with my approval (Carol was relieved) and we're looking forward to making the transition in early June.
Here are a few pictures which I took this morning. We have a great view from the living room.
Thanks for your prayers during this stressful time!
~ the Pilgrim
Erin has had little change overnight, she did have some bubbles show up in her ecmo and they had to swapout some things at 1am but all that went ok. We just need still for the prayers to continue to go up for the left wall bleeding to cease!!!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Not sure I told you this, I've been looking to buy a condo. Went to look at one today with my Agent (a Christian) - it is a great place and other people are interested in it too. Pray - if it is the Lord's choice of place for me that it will happen.
For those of you who prayed for Erin Page, the very sick 14 year old girl, I have received a link that will take you to a web page that will provide updates on her situation. Go to www.caringbridge.org/visit/erinpage You'll find the original prayer request here at Brandy's site. Please join me in continuing to pray for Erin. She still needs our prayers!
Monday, February 25, 2008
I was contemplating our free will last night, and wondered how God works around our stubborn nature to bring us to Jesus. I've always believed in a Creator so it wasn't a huge jump for me to surrender to Jesus as my Lord. But what about those who even deny a Creator? I wondered how God could possibly bring Todd into His family without interfering with his free will to believe there is no God - no ultimate Authority - no ultimate Truth - no Saviour who loves him so much that He suffered a very cruel death so Todd could be with our Father in Heaven. Todd has chosen not to believe in God the Creator, never mind Jesus the Saviour! So how will God work with this seemingly impossible situation of Todd's darkened heart without violating his free will. It is an incredible mystery.
All I know is .....
Jesus said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matt 19:26
Jesus said, "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." Matt 18: 18-20
Thank you my Pals for agreeing with me for Todd's heart to be captured by God!
Julie (Little Missionary)
Friday, February 22, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
I know that you all pray and this little girl needs ours prayers. My dad sent this to me in an email and she is a local girl. She really needs the prayers. I am just going to copy and paste the email here.
THIS LITTLE GIRL (HER AND HER FAM GO TO MY CHURCH)
NEEDS ALL THE PRAYERS SHE CAN GET. HER NAME IS ERIN
PAGE SHE IS 14. SHE IS VERY, VERY SICK. HER FAMILY HAS
BEEN TOLD HER CHANCES OF DYING ARE GREATER THAN HER
CHANCES OF LIVING. SHE HAS DOUBLE PNEUMONIA, THE FLU,
AND STREP. She has gone into septic shock and is on a
vent and is in ICU. TUE THEY FLEW HER OUT TO VANDY IN
NASHVILLE. SHE HAS WENT UNDER EXPLORATORY SURGERY TO
SEE WHERE THE INFECTION IS COMING FROM. ( THEY HAVE
SAID THAT THEY THINK IT COULD BE HER BOWELS AND.. OR
INTESTINES DYING). SHE NEEDS ALL THE PRAYER SHE CAN
GET SO I AM PASSING IT ON TO ANY AND EVERY PERSON I
CAN THINK OF THAT MIGHT SEND UP A PRAYER FOR HER.
Posted by Felisol
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Please pray for Arlene's family during these days. THANK YOU!
I'm leaving for the airport in a few minutes to fly out west for my Aunt Evelyn's funeral. Please pray for me but more important...please keep Carol and our family in your prayers while I'm gone. I'll be back next Monday night! I'm not taking my computer with me so Terry...keep the fires burning. THANKS!
Much love in Christ,
P.S. Please pray for a financial miracle while I'm gone!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
2 Tmothy 4:7,8
I have fought the good fight,
I have finished the race,
I have kept the faith.
Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness,
which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day
Arlene went home to be with the Lord today
We loved you and will miss you!
By HIS stripes, she IS healed
Please keep her husband, children and grand children
in your prayers....
From earlier post:
I have not received an official email from Amber, but from another surce, that Arlene has gone to be with Jesus....completely healed...free of pain and suffering.
I will offer more here when I hear from Amber.donna
Thank you to everyone who has prayed for him/us over the past year. I know, I have told you all "Thank You" before but we just can't stop ourselves from saying it again because you each had a part in his healing process. Each time you went before our Lord's throne and lifted Pilot Dad up you helped to bear our burden.
The feeding tube was inserted in his stomach in early to mid June and here we are 8 months later getting it out! Our praises lift up to our God who is so Good! To our God who is so merciful and gracious! We continuely lift our praises up to Him, the Creator and Sustainor of everything. May all glory and honor and praise be to Him for ever and ever and ever!!!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
in Dearborn. I am sure you are aware she has cancer. Her health is failing quickly as the tumors are growing at a rapid speed. Her heart is working overtime to pump the fluid in her body which is causing her to swell severely. She is struggling to breathe as the tumor in her lungs is blocking her airway. We had a consultation with Hospice last night and their service wasn't able to keep her in the hospital as requested by her doctor. He then offered to provide final care in her room which means they will no longer offer her life sustaining medication or take her vital signs. They are making every effort to keep her comfortable. She is very sedated and sleeping peacefully. According to her doctor she has about a week until she goes home to be with the Lord. Please pray for our family and feel free to email any questions or comments you have.
Due to the sudden change in her health it is impossible to contact everyone personally therefore we are sending out this email. Please send this to anyone who may have been overlooked.
Monday, February 18, 2008
February 17, 2008 9:10 PM
Mom was an only child in her adoptive family so after her parents passed away we encouraged her to go searching for her birth family. In a matter of a few months we discovered them and it has been a very positive experience for mom especially but for all of us. She has traveled to Saskatchewan (a Canadian province on the prairies) quite a few times since then to visit family. I've been there 3 or 4 times. Mom was born out there so it's always great to "go home".
Her sister Evelyn was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease (ALS) a number of months ago and her health quickly deteriorated. We got the news yesterday from Uncle Stan that she had passed away late Saturday afternoon. Mom and Aunt Evelyn were very close. They wrote back and forth at least twice a week. She was an incredible lady. Even though she was my aunt I lovingly called her "grandma" because she looked and acted like the "typical" grandma...so loving and caring.
Aunt Evelyn's funeral will be this Saturday in the small town of Cabri, SK where she lived. Mom and I will fly out to Regina, SK later this week and drive over to Cabri. I will be involved in the funeral which will be an honour for me. I'm busily trying to arrange our flights by redeeming air miles and Aeroplan points. Please pray for mom, her family, for Uncle Stan as he makes plans for the funeral and for me as I work on getting flights.
Our Pilgrim Pals always come through in a crunch and I praise God for each of you! I'll keep you posted, dear friends!
In His care,
~ David, the Pilgrim
Sunday, February 17, 2008
The doctor came in last night and said that things are looking grim. They took some x-rays and the tumor in her lungs has grown substancially. He said she can't go on for long breathing the way she is. He is putting her in hospice. He doesn't want to move her so hospice will come to her room. My Dad and I are supposed to meet them later today. My Dad said she was crying because she doesn't undestand why she can't come home. She has a home care person so she thinks she should be able to come home. The doctor said she is progressing too rapidly to have someone take care of her at home. He told my Dad that he wants to sedate her so she isn't so aware of the situation. She is very confused which only makes it harder. I think sedating her will be the best thing for her. I hate for her to lay thinking all sorts of awful thoughts. I leave you with these two pretty cool things she said when Chad and I were up there Friday night when she was in the ER. First she was sleeping and woke up and said It is well two times then fell back to sleep. Then she told me and Chad she kept waking up to the most beautiful orange flowers.Please pray for our family for strength for whatever the days ahead hold.Thank you all for you prayers and love.update: It's 4:10, I just got home and I am going back to the hospital at 6:30. At 7:00 my Dad and I have to meet with hospice. She was pretty well sedated when I was up there. In and out a few times but mostly out. She is swelling more and more. Her wedding ring is now swollen on her finger. They are going to give her another treatment of lasiks (sp?) to bring down the swelling. I will post again when I have another update...Amber http://www.amsland.blogspot.com/
Saturday, February 16, 2008
i woke up this morning feeling so helpless and sad because of leo's chronic pain ... the pain which takes small bites out of him daily ... and my sister maria's continued physical decline ... she is scheduled for kidney dialysis - but other health and home problems keep her from much needed & required doctors' appointments
...even when i wake in the night ... i pray for them both ... even as i pray, there is this lead weight in my chest and such a helplessness ... "what can "i" do, Lord?" ...i want to do something, yet my doing is always thwarted ...so i woke up feeling gloomy ... and told the Lord this ...His Spirit within me said "saija - this is a NEW day ... a NEW morning ... take heart" ...again, i realized that i don't need to carry the burdens of yesterday into today ...
every day is NEW ... every day is a GIFT ... and every morning contains HOPE ...i don't know what will happen THIS day ... i only KNOW the One who holds THIS day in His hand ... He is my Security ... He is my Hope ... He is my Redeemer ... He hears me in the night seasons ... and He knows leo and maria's pain - He knows and cares and IS in control ... only Jesus can truly encourage the hearts of His redeemed ... so i write this little thought down, hoping it will encourage your heart this morning too ...remember ... it is a NEW day ...
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
Today (Saturday) Matthew has a hockey game in Brampton, Ontario at 10:00 a.m. We're leaving for there soon and then we're getting a hotel room in the north part of Toronto where we'll stay tonight. Our married daughter Tammy and their two little girls will join us tonight as well.
On Sunday afternoon the Peterborough Petes are playing in Brampton so several of us will drive back over there to take in the game.
Thanks for your prayers this weekend. I'm not taking my laptop as this is supposed to be a "family time" and I'm looking forward to this.
You will be in my prayers. You too, Felisol! What a blessing to have someone from the far side of the side interceding for us.
God bless you all richly!
Friday, February 15, 2008
"Please pray for my mother, Gayle. She's 86 years old, has Alzheimer's and today she fell and cut her head while trying to climb a wall. The cut is very large and right where a couple of arteries come together. She lost a lot of blood and has a lot of staples in her head. Please pray that her wound will heal without any complications and the pain will be manageable. She will have a couple of follow-up appointments. Also pray the staff will be diligent in keeping and eye on her and that she won't try to have any more adventures. Thank you!"
Thanks for praying! ~ the Pilgrim
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
When Vicki speaks of her hair color not being as dark as it once was, we smile along with her, knowing that we struggle with the same battle - aging. Hopefully we are being changed into His likeness as we mature through our struggles.
LPP always has something edifying to add to our site. Her comments encourage me.
Just when you feel like you are losing ground spiritually you get a comment or a post from our sister Felisol on the other side of the sea and your spirit is refreshed again.
Terry tirelessly labors behind the scene keeping us abreast of the needs of others. One day soon we will all rejoice when we hear the news that Dad Golden has joined the company of the redeemed. What a day that will be!
Saija, you truly are a kindred spirit with me. Can we take our books to heaven or will we sit with Elisabeth Elliot and listen to her stories?
Pilot Mom from Utah is such a breath of fresh air! Thanks for the blessing of your friendship!
As I close this brief post I risk offending some for not mentioning their names. Every one of you are loved and appreciated so much. God has brought together a fellowship of believers through Pilgrim Pals that may never get together "in the flesh" 'til we get "home" but friendships have been forged that will last for eternity.
"Father, touch each Pilgrim Pal and minister to their particular needs right now. Thank You for everything they have added to my life. I'm blessed beyond measure. Thank You for Jesus and for the life He has given each one of us. Make us a blessing to everyone we come in contact with. We praise You and give You glory through our Lord Jesus Christ. AMEN"
Sunday, February 10, 2008
I've run out of steam. It's like a signal to stop and listen. Take a break. Thanks to the ladies who checked on me recently to inquire about my biopsy. I forgot to post an update - assumed everything would be fine. The first thyroid biopsy came back nondiagnostic, so I had the biopsy done again by a different doctor. Thankfully, my pathology report came back benign.
Wish that was the end of it, but it's not. A recent barium swallow shows the mass is causing some deviation into my esophageal area. Need a flow volume test and a surgery consult next.
Let's certainly pray God's will for me in all this, but frankly, I loathe the idea of surgery (don't we all?).
1. Thyroid medication... to shrink the mass (my TSH is normal) but there's no guarantee it will help. Over time, if it does work, these thyroid meds could increase my bone loss (already have osteopenia) or cause other issues. Taking the meds means constantly monitoring my thyroid hormone levels so as not to take too much medication, while keeping my blood levels on the high end of normal range.
2. Surgery... to remove the mass before it interferes more with other structures. The doctor also says there is always a slight chance of some malignancy hiding behind benign tissue. A biopsy is only as good as the tissue retrieved, in other words.
3. Ignore it all and hope it goes away:-)Certainly can't ignore it. God will get me through this little rough patch. It seems insignificant compared to my husband's aneurysm and open heart surgery last year, but I still need His wisdom and peace along the way. My emotional/brain chemical wiring and personality is more prone to anxiety than hubby's. I need God constantly, not occasionally.
Now, to the techno-fast. I wanted to take a week off sometime soon, just to have a little retreat. This seems as good a time as any. My youngest son's 26th birthday is coming up, so I'll be designing, baking, and decorating his b'day cake soon. I'd also like to do a bit of organizing at home and get my writing office in shape while setting up these next tests and consults. More than anything else, I just need to "retreat" this week and stay off the computer.
Please pray that the Lord's Spirit would refresh me and prepare me for whatever.Thank you for praying, caring, and reading. I'm so blessed to know each and every one of you. ~ Vicki
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Please also remember Vicki in your prayers as she is having to decide what she will have to do concerning her thyroid. Please pray for her sister too and her niece who are still in need of a place to live..
Of course you know that the Pilgrim and his family are looking for a house also, as they have sold their house and will have to be moving.
Felisol's mom still needs our prayers and so does her favourite uncle who has come down with Alzheimer's. Pray for our dear sister on the far side of the sea and Gunnar as they care for her mom.
Our dear bother, Ron has been suffering with arthritis and so he needs the Lord's healing touch also.
Our own little missionary, Julie has been suffering with a cold and a cough. I hope that she is feeling better.
It seems that Saija and Leo are all over their colds! She was sick last week and didn't even see me as I snuck to her blog and removed this picture for the Pilgrim Pals blog! Thanks Saija!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Thank you for your prayers and your godly concern for us as we make the transition from our home of 14 years (see photo) to a new address. We sold our home in mid-December and we're busy trying to find a suitable place with a much more affordable mortgage.
We are undecided about whether to live in the city of Peterborough (population approx. 76,000) or to buy in a rural setting again. There are many pros and cons to both options and that makes decision making a challenge.
Each week we look at a number of homes and we are realizing how big a decision we have to make. We are trusting God to give direction but it's been very stressful for us just the same. Thank you for your prayers!
Be assured of my prayers for you as you continue to live for His glory!
P.S. Just kidding about the photo. That's the Capernwray Bible School in Carnforth, Lancashire, England.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Please pray for my Mother. When my Dad got home from work this morning she was bleeding from her port. My Dad called the doctor and he told him to take her in through the ER. He called me a few hours ago and said they were checking for another blood clot and doing some other tests. The doctor said they may admit her. I will post when he calls and let you know what is going on.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Could you pray for my health? I haven't mentioned this illness before now because I thought by now it would have cleared up! I had a minor head cold at Christmas and a dry cough developed. I'm still coughing almost 5 weeks later! Somedays are better than others, but still the deep, dry cough is there to some degree. I've been to the doctor twice - the first visit two weeks into the cough, he said it was likely a persistant virus he has seen going around. The second visit he said he now believed I had developed some bronchial inflammation and asthma so he prescribed two inhalers. I've been using them a week now and the pharmacist said it could take two weeks to bring the inflammation down.
Thanks for your prayers.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
The snow almost kept us there for an extra day but we managed to get out alright yesterday afternoon.
We were only home for a couple of hours before we had to drive Matthew to his youth retreat at Camp Kawartha. The driving was horrendous but we made it there and back, praise the Lord.
This morning I'm laying low, trying to relax a bit. Pilgrim Pal Terry was worried that I got lost so I thought I better post an update.
Have a great weekend and a profitable Lord's day tomorrow, dear pals!
In His love,