Prayer - intercessory prayer that is, what is the point? God's gonna do what He is gonna do.
Todd and I went for tea at lunch today. When I asked him about joining me for Good Friday service you'd have thought I told him I just murdered someone! He looked like he was going to vomit! I am not kidding. He said NO. He looked really weird - his eyes looked totally suspicious and for the first time he looked like he disliked me very much. I said, "Todd, please, it's literally two hours out of your life - please join me." He just laughed - not at me but just about the whole idea - as if it were the craziest thing ever asked of him. I would have had more "success" if I had asked him to bungee jump off a cliff into freezing cold water! It really shook me up inside but I remained calm on the surface. What I saw in his eyes was utter, complete REJECTION of God and anything associated with God (eg any church, book, bible... you name it - if it "smells" of God, Todd rejects it). He doesn't need God or want Him....he doesn't believe - he is totally closed to the idea - end of story. As far as he is concerned if others want to believe in God and go to church good for them. There was more but frankly I don't need to share it all here. I saw something today I don't think I've ever saw before - spiritual blindness and hardness of heart to a degree that even God can't penetrate it. Does that statement shock you? It shouldn't. God can not violate a person's free will and Todd has made a very, very firm choice. How sad and unfair....here is a person who doesn't understand he has chosen Hell - he has rejected Life. I cried when I got home tonight - then I went back out into the sub-zero temperatures and skated for 1.5 hrs....like a mad woman....I had to get my frustration out. I'm very sad about this - very disappointed that all the prayers people have prayed counted for nothing as far as I'm concerned.
What is the point in praying for people like him? They are so hard hearted. I am done praying for Todd - there is no point. He is God's problem - not mine. I did my part and asked Todd to church - I am done now. Prayer has done nothing but set me up for a great disappointment.
Note from the Pilgrim Pals facilitator, David Fisher: The purpose of the PILGRIM PALS site is to provide a forum where our members (pilgrims) can pray for each other and be vulnerable, open and honest with one another. This is meant to be a safe place! Our special pal, Julie or Little Missionary as she is affectionately known, has bared her soul again. Thanks, Julie! I encourage other pilgrims to do the same. We will love you unconditionally, withhold judgment and offer encouragement and hope regardless of what you write. ~ David