Friday, December 26, 2008

Witnessing Over Dinner - not really

Thanks to those of you who prayed last Monday. I'm sorry to report that....well...there isn't much to report!
While out for dinner with my atheist friend, (personally I think he is more agnostic but he calls himself an atheist), I really didn't find a good opportunity to witness...or so I thought. In hindsight there probably were lots of tiny moments that I could have said something about Jesus being my strength and how it is a gift from Him that I have medical benefits in order to be off work and heal. My friend knows about my difficulties over the last couple years and I didn't once credit Jesus for being my ultimate source of strength. I don't think I actually thought about it until after our get-together. How could I not think about the difference Jesus makes? Perhaps I did think about it and so quickly dismissed the thought I barely noticed I had the thought!? Why would I do that? As I thought about this over the last couple days this question occurred to me: do I still truly believe Jesus has been my ultimate strength over the last two years of personal difficulties? Do I really believe that without Him the last two plus years would have been far worse? Truthfully, if I were totally convinced that Jesus has made all the difference I would be only too glad to tell others about Him. But, there's the rub my friends....I don't think I'm so convinced anymore. At least not the way I used to believe it. At one time I would never hesitate to speak of my trust in God. I didn't care who I was speaking to...atheist, agnostic, friend or foe....I believed, therefore I shared with a convinced spirit, soul, mind and heart. So why am I no longer totally convinced that God loves me with a fierce love? Though I have long forgiven, (to the best of my human ability), the two Christians who deeply hurt me over two years ago, the consequences of their lack of love and caring about me as a human being...never mind their sister in Christ, has left deep scar tissue. The scars have effected my ability to trust in the Lord, which leads to a lack of desire to share Christ with others. If I am not convinced, neither with those I share with be convinced - they will sense my hesitation and lack of personal conviction.

Friends, please pray that in 2009 I will know once again how long, deep and wide the love of God is for me.

Julie (LM)


Felisol said...

Dear Julie LBM,
Time and life change us all the time.
Mostly for the better, even though it may be a painful process.

You cannot expect to be the same you once were.
Being a friend and a good listener was perhaps more important o the man you met, than a new sermon.

We are letters from Christ read and known by everybody.

I think good deeds and a warn heart can be more important than many words.

To much preaching over dinner..might simply have been too much.
Please continue be your own loving self.
I you can do like Paul; forget what lies behind and hurry against the goal.

Don't be so harsh on yourself. You don't deserve it.
In due time you will be given an opportunity to serve a testimony.
Just you keep on being the true servant of God, you always have been.

God is not in a hurry. Neither should you be.

I wish you all well and God's rich blessings every second of the day.
From Felisol

Terry said...

Dear Little Missionary Julie
I think that your heart was in the right place and who knows even though the subject wasn't brought up, that the guy was probably reading YOU!
If he did that, how could he not really believe there is no God?
You are a real child of the King!
God bless you...Love Terry

hebrews 11:1 said...

Hi Julie-LM,

I know there have been times where I have seen someone and talked to them at length....and then realized afterwards that I didn't mention the Lord or His blessings or anything like, does that ever hurt me to know that I ALWAYS want my life to shine for Christ, and here I didn't shine for Him...but it always reminds me to do better next time, and that helps. There is a prayer I try to remember to say at the beginning of every day: it goes, "May all I say and do today, honor Christ in every way." It helps me a lot to remember that throughout my day.

Praying for you,

Julie (Little Missionary) said...

Thanks for your words my friends...I know I'm very hard on myself but I'm learning slowly to give myself a break. Perhaps the Holy Spirit doesn't give me words with Todd because He knows that won't necessarily work at this point...rather it is my faithful walk with God, even in the most difficult times that will speak volumes...I hope and pray. Well, given the pattern Todd and I have, it'll be at least another two months before we get together, so in the meantime I will continue to pray for his heart to turn to God.