I'm sorry if I caused anyone major concerns about my post. Thanks for all your prayers. I realized this week I really am not well emotionally. I suffered such a major trauma 2 years ago - a huge breach of trust also - and that left me with anxiety beyond belief. My self-esteem was crushed and hasn't fully recovered yet. I thought it was all dealt with but when push comes to shove in this world I don't cope well anymore. So much came down on me this week - so much - I just couldn't handle it. I'm profoundly sad about my inability to be healthy and it's a mystery why God seems so "hands off" on my life - that makes me sad too. When I think about the incredible faith I used to have in Him to move mountains.....I just don't have that kind of faith anymore. It's like I can't handle any upset anymore - my fear rages so high. If you knew the whole story of two years ago you'd say "no wonder!" But of course it didn't all begin there - I had a difficult childhood and overcame so much in my 20's - that's when I met the Lord and my whole perception of who I am changed for the better. That seems to have been lost as a result of what happened 2 years ago. I retreated in such fear and even when I cry out to the Lord in desperation (like last night) all I hear is silence and that scares me! Anyway, to be honest I think it's time for professional intervention (again). I needed intervention initially 2 years ago but now I have to deal with the aftermath - a kind of post-traumatic stress syndrome. No wonder no guy wants to be with me! I don't want to be with me!
About work - I'll try and keep this brief - my "wicked" boss was off today and things came to a head because I was still so upset about yesterday. Well, we had a meeting (admins and one manager) - apparently the manager has had it with my supervisor's unprofessionalism because it is effecting my productivity and the team in general. I had to hear some hard things but true....she was very compassionate and good. I do have issues around my work - stemming from my fear of my supervisor and when is she going to strike again. But she has been up to no good with others - not just me - it's effecting everyone......I just showed it more in my lack-luster attitude and make mistakes (fear - trying to be perfect causes even more mistakes).
All that to say, my supervisor is going to be disciplined on Monday and her supervisory role removed....yikes - I'm afraid! But it is a good thing in the long run.
Please be in prayer on Monday for my workplace. And as always, pray for my "recovery".
Bless you all.