Bear with me while I vent a bit.
I find myself once again wondering if church really matters. If community matters - then why do I find myself alone on New Year's Eve? I guess it is my own fault - I have been feeling sick with a cold but I should have went ahead and made plans. A pot luck at my former church just rapped up. I was feeling better by about 5 p.m. so I called a friend - no answer. I called another friend and told her I was feeling better - all she said was, "oh, Natalie is coming to pick me up any minute so I have to go." No invitation for me to join them - both single Christians!! And, this was one of my close friends!! With friends like that.....sigh....who needs the Christian community - they are not much better than non-Christians!
I'm sure there are other single Christians, like me, spending a very, very lonely New Year's Eve - God be with you and comfort you (and me) tonight!!
I have a confession to make Pals, I quit going to the Kanata Wesleyan church back in September. I found it too uncomfortable and almost impossible to fit in - it was just too overwhelming for me to sit alone week after week. So, I tried going back to my former church - at least I know people there and they were happy to see me, but it just isn't the same after all the hurtful things a certain pastor said to me in 2006 (I forgive, I just can't forget), therefore I can't get comfortable there. I am a Christian without a home church. And I wonder, what difference does it really make for me to bother getting out of bed on Sunday morning? To worship God? I can do that at home - throw on some worship tunes, sing along, and I can even listen to a good sermon on-line or on TV (there are plenty).
I know it's almost impossible to live the Christian life without fellowship but I just don't know what to do! I am a very frustrated, lonely Christian - I could just scream tonight or drink myself into a drunken stupor....it's tempting....but instead I will go out to a small chapel I know of at a Catholic Church in my area. I will try and fellowship with someone else I know experience extreme loneliness and desertion at times - Jesus. I have an electronic key to get into the chapel. It is opened 24/7 for quiet prayer - this is one thing I admire about the Catholic Church - it strongly encourages contemplation on God's Holy Word and many churches offer chapels to go pray in. We all know how hard it is to pray at home with all the distractions....these chapels are great.
I know I have to get rid of the thoughts I have that God just doesn't care about me, or he is mad at me or something crazy like that. Ugh....such a human response! I know this isn't true!
LORD JESUS SAVE ME!
J. (Little Missionary)