Saturday, May 3, 2008

Desperate Again!

NOTE: The Pilgrim, David, accidentally deleted the picture that Little Missionary had posted with this entry. Sorry, Julie! Please add another and be assured of the prayers of all the Pals.

That's okay Pilgrim David - I forgive you :)

Things have gotten ugly at work again. I am beginning to feel bullied by a certain admin. She attacked me today when I told her a personal question she asked me about my mother in front of other staff made me uncomfortable. (My mom is now in the hospital with major depression). Anyway, it's way too long of a story to go into and not appropriate here but please pray for my emotional well being - it is being highly compromised the longer I am exposed to this individual. I was so distraught today - I sobbed so hard that I actually broke a blood vessel on my face under my eye! I am beginning to realize that I am completely fragile - I have never totally healed from the trauma and cruel words spoken to me by two years ago and my subsequent attempt to end my life! Within two weeks of that trauma I was back at work - acting like all was great and normal.

I am praying about taking time off work and going to a local retreat centre to heal. I honestly don't know what else to do. I feel so backed in a corner - trapped and scared. And yet God in His mercy gave me a wonderful scripture earlier this week - He knew I would need it: Isaiah 41:10-13

God please protect me, defend me and deliver me! God please open a door to a job in another department that is a healthier environment for me!

Julie (LM)


Felisol said...

Dear Julie LM,
I am praying for you all the time.
Bullies such as your colleague causes thousands of people having to take sick leave every year here in Norway.
They are parasites who cannot exist without having other persons to steal life and energy from.
Don't let it be you.
I think you are in perfect sound reaction when you consider taking a retreat leave, hopefully also with some trustworthy person to speak with.
Some distance will give you rest and perspective to your problems.
Remember the bully is the sick person. You are having a sound reaction to an unhealthy environment.
Nevertheless some rest and an empathic therapist of any kind (be selective in your choice) will help restoring the wound inflicted on you.
The bully should be taken care of by others, but that often can be a complicated task.
Someone in the union or organization should take care of that. You should be spared of that.
Please be patient, dear Little Big Missionary, your case is before the face of the Lord. He will not let you perish.
You know even Jesus went for retreat to rest, it's a splendid idea.
Yours Felisol

Julie (aka Little Missionary) said...

Dear Felisol, thank you - your words are so wonderful! I like what you said about Jesus taking a rest "retreat". I think it's time for me to re-evaluate some things. The retreat centre I'm thinking of is run by a husband and wife who are both very wise in the Lord.

Regarding the office bully - unfortunately she is liked by others - she comes across as friendly and funny - it's only behind other's backs that she "stabs" them - she used to talk about others' in the office to me - boy she said some really awful things and I never said anything to stop it - shame on me! Now I will be the target behind my back. Well, the thing is I have the King of Kings on my side and I DO trust in my Lord to defend me!
Julie (LM)

Terry said...

Dear Little Missionary Julie

My computer has been on the blink the last few days and I am working on fixing it. I can't even post but I just now read about you at the Pals.
I know what you are going through. Last year at this time it was so hard on Betty and me as lies were being spread about us at work by the girls and we both lost our jobs that we had for six and seven years. Betty's like you Little Missionary Julie. She took it so hard that she even ended up with a heart attack. I took it bad too and it still hurts but that is a year ago. You will be hurting even more keener. That is a bad lady. Doesn't she realize that Jesus is on your side and she will have to pay for it? Revenge will be from the Lord and not you.
Romans 12:19
" Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."

Matthew 18:6
"But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea."

And your poor mom. She is in dire straits too. It is so sad. She probably does a lot of crying. I will be praying for her too, and Maureen and you.
I won't tell you to hang in there because that is just words but I will tell you that the Pals are all praying for you little Missionary Julie and we love you so....Love Terry

Laura said...

HI Julie

I am thinking and praying for you!!!

Julie (aka Little Missionary) said...

I love you all and appreciate each of you. It is going to be great to meet and hug each of you in Heaven someday!

The "persecution" at work has certainly increased in the last few months. It's hard - we all want to be liked and respected but that certainly isn't happening in my work life. My self esteem is taking a big hit. But I can also see the good God is bringing out of all of this. I am drawing closer to Him in the last few weeks. Satan wants to separate me from God's grace, but I know how much God loves me and will defend me in this battle - which is in the spiritual realm. Louise doesn't realize it but she is messing one of God's children and He will move heaven and earth for us, his kids, to defend us! As ticked off as I am at Louise,I know she needs the Lord and salvation. Anyone who reacts so callously as she did to my new that mom is in the hospital is a very self-centered and deeply angry person...she needs the Lord! I will try and pray for her - not easy though!

Julie (LM)

hebrews 11:1 said...

Hello, sweetie!

Know I'm praying for you and your mom.

Love and Prayers,

Vicki said...

Oh how I love Isaiah 41, Julie.

Praying for you and trusting that you will get the healing you need in Him...He won't abandon us. I used to work 6 years with an incredibly insensitive bunch of women, could barely take their callousness at times, went home and cried, and yet threw myself on the mercies of God to get through that time since I couldn't quit my job. God preserved me during that difficult time until I could finally walk away from the job.

I think when we're emotionally fragile (or stressed), the remarks of others can really be a load on our hearts. Keep looking to Him, Julie, just as you are, and we'll you'll be met with the comfort and love of God in fresh ways to take you through another level of healing. Rest is in Him. Keep in touch, too. We all love you, Julie. Words are just not adequate sometimes. I'll email soon {{Hugs}}

lotto said...

Yugs, daw nabasahan ko naman ni sa iban nga blog?