Thursday, May 22, 2008

Officially on Leave

I was unable to finish the week at work.
I feel like the lamb in this picture - on the side of a cliff, in danger of falling, entangled in weeds. I'm not sure I see the Good Shepherd coming to my rescue yet....perhaps He is making His way to the "cliff".
My anxiety level got out of control. So, I'm officially on leave now until mid-July. My manager gave me a so called "pep" talk this morning, but I have to tell you it felt more like a lecture. He rambled on and on for about 20 minutes.

My biggest fear that I'm bringing to the Lord is, what if I never recover from this condition?(post traumatic stress disorder). What if I can't function in the work world anymore? I do believe in my heart of hearts there is really only one place I will truly shine for Jesus - on the mission field. I am much more comfortable in a garbage dump in Mexico or in a jungle village in Guatemala - it's who I am in Christ. But that is a distant dream for now. I bought a condo that I'm moving to the end of June - I have to work!! Maybe that wasn't the wisest decision! I'm second guessing everything. How will the next month and a half unfold for me? Only God knows - only He can Heal me. I will be seeking Him with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind. He promises that if we seek Him with all our heart, we will find Him. "I will be found by you, declares the Lord...." Jeremiah 29 vs 14

Julie (Little missionary)


Terry said...

Oh Little Missionary Julie.
Your heart is in the right place and the Lord knows it.
This must be of the Lord that you will be off until July.
When I lost my job last year I really had doubts but when I look back I see that this year was really needed to help my Mom and Dad.
The Lord will supply your need for the condo payments.
After all you would still have to pay rent somewhere even if you hadn't of bought the condo Julie.
Take care and see lots of your Mom. You will surely be a big help to each Terry

Felisol said...

Dear Julie, LM,
so sorry to read about all your trials.
If you can, do not worry so much about what people say, there's a lot of ignorance going around, especially when it comes to illnesses that can't be hidden by a plaster cast.
So up with crouches and a broken leg, and you'll get the world of sympathy.
Honestly, we can't relate seriously to such amount of stupidity, nor should people like that be able to hurt us.
There's a saying from Mrs E. Roosevelt,"No one can belittle you without your own consent."
If your colleagues are not familiar with the diagnosis Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, that can not be your problem.
I hope you have a good doctor who knows how to treat this most complicated disease. Healing takes time, takes therapy and lots and lots of courage and preferably also understanding friends. You, Little Missionary have us, tried Pilgrims, who want all the best for you, we pray and respect your heroic struggle.
"Wait, don't worry, were the words I was given some days ago.
I pass them on to you also with a stanza from the Psalms
Psalm 37:
7Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him:
We know the Lord loves you and has special assignments waiting ahead of you.
Now is time for the rest bit.
Hugs and double hugs from Felisol

Julie (aka Little Missionary) said...

Thank you Terry and Felisol. Wise words from wise women.

Julie (LM)

donna said...

Dear Julie,
There are times when I want to drive there and just sit with you and talk and pray and simply encourage I remember those days when I was my most depressed and felt there was no one to turn to...there was no hope left for me...none whatsoever..and what a glorious day it was Julie when God pulled me back off that cliff...He will provide for you and He will bring you through...keep trusting in Him; I am praying for you and have asked so many others to too....
love and hugs

hebrews 11:1 said...

Hi, Julie-Lm,

I have no words of advice to offer except to echo Felisol's quotation of Psalm know how much I love that chapter!!

Praying for you daily,