Fellow Pilgrims, I bless you and thank you from the bottom of my heart for your prayers. God knew I would need this community!
I will not lie - I am crying much tonight. My heart aches - not just because of Todd, it's much deeper - it's over another lost dream - there have been so many it seems. I always think they are God's dreams for me, but I guess they are just mine. I know I should praise Him now - but I can't - there is just too much pain. To think, just 3 days ago I was praising him for a wonderful evening with Todd and the hope of a new relationship. But that joy ended so abruptly - I feel that God is punishing me at times.
As David cried, so do I, "My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught at the voice of the enemy....My heart is in anguish within me....(psalm 55)
I will ask you for one more prayer for Todd - that he will have a kind heart towards me (we do work in the same building), and that he will not judge me harshly for telling him that story about Chris - I know my anger came out and that must have turned Todd off. I was really was a fool and disrespectful to Chris, to Todd and most of all to the Lord. I WAS NOT A WITNESS FOR THE LORD AS I HOPED!