Moses once prayed for Almighty God to take his life - "....the burden is too heavy for me. If this is how you are going to treat me, put me to death right now—if I have found favor in your eyes—and do not let me face my own ruin." Numbers 11:14
Elijah also became desperate and prayed - "I have had enough, LORD," he said. "Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors." Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep." 1Kings 19:4
In the case of Moses, the Lord sent him helpers. In the case of Elijah, the Lord gave him rest, food and water.
In the last year alone I have cried out at least 5 or 6 times to God, "Lord, enough already!! This is too much for me. Take my life!" Every time the Lord answers with helpers - this time known as Pilgrim Pals; sometimes He sends me rest and food; this was my gift today. I gave myself permission to take a "sick" day and rest to clear my thoughts. My thoughts are clear and my heart is set on the Lord. Is everything wonderful? No. There is still a sadness in my heart. Mainly sadness at the knowledge that I still carry a lot of distrust and bitterness as a result of the betrayal last year. But God is in control and I trust in Him. I am seeking out some Christian counselling to hopefully resolve some of the anger I obviously still harbour.
The good news is, I could not leave the situation with Todd without some sort of witness for the Lord. I wrote Todd a beautiful email wishing him all the best and no hard feelings. I asked him not to judge Christianity by the anger I expressed on Tuesday evening - it was my anger and the Lord will heal it. I said that I pray for him regularly and that a very special group of Christians - Pilgrim Pals - have also lifted him in prayer. So, Pilgrims - join me tonight in lifting Todd in prayer and let's be in agreement for the salvation of his soul. And for any hurts in his heart as a result of his divorce.
Thanks for your love and prayers during this very upsetting week. It must steam Satan that we have this site to gather in prayer and fellowship!
May God shower each of you with blessings for you faithfulness to Him and your friendship to me.
Julie (Little missionary)