Saturday, September 22, 2007

Heather..."To Experience Life Not Just To Live It"

21.SepOne Down…

Today, I write to you from my living room couch. Easton is playing with Bailey on the floor, shes wrapped up in a blanket and he is digging her out. Elijah is building a Star Wars Space Ship out of Lego’s on my bedroom floor. Emma is at school. She reminded me this morning that it was Ice Cream day and she always gets a Sponge Bob Popsicle.
Easton is about to start her math, Elijah - his phonics. It’s going to be a good day.
This week, I took the time to remember what all I have been blessed with. I took time to slow down, and to really listen to my body, to listen to the things that are going on around me. I took time out to just be.
Last night, I took 300mg’s of Temador (chemo), 1mg of Kytril, 1 Compazine, and three Excedrin Extra Strength (along with my standard laxatives). I woke up this morning feeling pretty good except for the chemo headache that the Excedrin hasn’t touched. Its like little pins are going off in my brain, behind my eyes. (I like to think that it is the chemo attacking the stray cancer cells ) I hear this is common, so I am not too concerned. The nausea has been minimal, although I remember waking up around 4am feeling sick but rolling over and going back to sleep.
I am not going to lie to you guys, I am struggling right now. I think that the constant go go go since April is finally catching up with me and I am feeling the effects of all the emotions of finally realizing that I have cancer. It wasn’t nearly this real a month ago.
I will tell you that I am rediscovering Gods love for me, even when I am down in the depths, He reminds me that I am loved. Even when I feel so very ugly, hairless, and just worn down, He reminds me that I am beautiful- When a certain song comes on the radio, or my kids say something that makes my heart stop, or Mark touches my hand as a passes by, He reminds me.
Cancer is an Emotional battle just as much as it is a physical one. It takes the cancer patient every bit of strength to fight off depression and loss of hope. And the fear of the unknown, it grips our souls.
But there is beauty in the Cancer experience also. Cancer patients have the ability to look at life through cancers eyes. To stop and listen to the birds chirp, to watch children playing on the playground, to spend long hours listening to the things and sounds going on around them. That is one of cancers many gifts.
"To experience life, not just live it."

Heather has to take Chemo until Tuesday..


passing-thru said...

I imagine Terry posted this -- Thankyou Terry ,

Heather ALWAYS brings reality and genuiness to the "table" at a great price and has continued to HONOR GOD and like Job, declare that GOD is still GOOD

Felisol said...

Dear Heather,
God bless your home,
God strengthen your faith,
God send his devine healing now.